Stop Helping Others at Your Own Expense

I attended a powerful networking meeting today for business women. We didn't have an agenda or speaker scheduled for this meeting beings it was the first for this group. There were about 10 of us present. One woman who is the owner of a salon brought up an issue she has about separating herself from the problems that her patrons and employees share with her. She takes on their issues and sometimes dwells on them at her own expense of time and energy . Others' problems become her problems.

Other women sitting around the table acknowledged the difficulty they too have with wanting to help everyone else and being overly sensitive to everybody else's issues. What was clear for me is that this appears to be a common challenge for women. However, this isn't working for her anymore; it's costing her the price of her own well-being and it's draining her.

I shared some inspirational words that seemed to make a difference for everyone in the group. I don't remember what I said exactly though I recall acknowledging this woman for sharing something so personal to a group of women she just met. She took a risk to share her issue. She was vulnerable in that moment. It's difficult for many of us, including myself, to allow ourselves to be vulnerable because we want people to see us as strong and successful.

By sharing something personal, this woman gained support. Everyone present either shared their own existing issues in this same area or talked about some things they have done to strengthen this area.

Awareness of a behavior or thought that is no longer working for you is always the first step to making any sort of change. Once we discussed how this really didn't help anyone because it's so draining, we began to brainstorm ways to create new intentions, boundaries, and strength to help us create healthier support systems. I've recognized 3 types of support systems: (1) those that drain us; (2) those that support us where we are; (3) and those that rocket or propel us forward. It's important to convert the drainers to better relationships or start eliminating them from your life. Life is certainly too busy to surround yourself with people who pull you down or keep you stuck.