Relating to your Tween/Teen in your Super Busy Life

Now that my son will be turning 12 in a few weeks, I am becoming much more aware of the issues and challenges parents of teens and tweens face on a regular basis. These children want so much to be treated like a grown-up and have their independence, yet they are still a child. They are very heavily influenced by their friends and society, sometimes to your own regret.

I had a coaching session with a mom who is a widow and has 12 and 15 year old children. Now that she has recently gone back to work full-time she wanted to develop more opportunities for quality time with her kids and enhance the relationships. Beings she doesn't get home until around 7 pm on most nights during the week, this is rather difficult for her to do. She feels out-of-balance and disconnected.

We talked about the realities because some of them really can't be changed. She does need to work for financial and other reasons. Having just gone back to work, she doesn't have much flexibility in her hours or work schedule. However, she really wants to feel connected with her kids and be involved in fun activities with them.

In the past, they have had dinners as a family more frequently, had family meetings, game night, and other activities that seem to have disappeared. Although her son has lacrosse several nights, there is still an opportunity she recognized to have dinner together on the nights when they weren't rushing out to lacrosse. She has committed to dinner together as a family at least 3 nights each week. Some of you may think, "three isn't enough" while others may say, "three is impossible", if you want to make this a priority, decide what is right for you and your family and just make a start! You can adjust along the way.

We also brainstormed activities she thought both her kids enjoy. Her daughter enjoys gardening, but hasn't been doing it lately. This mom also enjoys gardening and would love the opportunity to spend a little while on a Saturday or Sunday morning gardening with her daughter. What she couldn't see, the notion of spending a whole day, but spending an hour, seems reasonable and do-able. And, again, it's a place to start!

She and both her kids enjoy bike rides and can do more of these together, as well.

Determining activities you could do together doesn't need to be done alone. Your kids can provide their input about things they wish you would do together again, things they'd like to try out, and things they'd like to do more of. They could also help you determine when it's appropriate to bring along a friend or two, and when it's better to have more private family time.

I'd love to hear your ideas and solutions for enjoying time with your teen and tween. Please share your ideas for helping them with problem-solving, decision-making, responsibility, cooperation, and communication. And, tell me, what are some of the things you do together in the limited free time in your super busy life? Email me at natalie@superbusyparent.com.

Yours truly,

Coach Natalie