Remember Romance in Your SuperBusy Life

Keeping Love Alive!
by Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC, Counselor

Men and Women often struggle with keeping love alive. There is always hope that other person and the relationship will change. Regrettable, the energy once invested in the beginning of the relationship diminishes significantly leading one or both partners feeling disconnected from one another. Rather than creating joy and alive-ness together, couples are merely co-existing with one another. What is needed for the relationship to grow is vision and intention. It is then possible for each partner to shift from a position of self-absorbtion to EMPATHY, from blame to OWNERSHIP, and from being a source of pain to creating SAFETY,COMFORT and ACCEPTANCE. This process involves exceedingly clear communication. Knowledge, understanding and compassion for the other's world not only strengthens a couple's connection but also opens up new and more expansive possibilities as more of the world is experienced.

Most couples who are struggling to stay together, think that for things to improve, extraordinary changes, if not a miracle, have to take place. Most of us are conditioned to believe that these changes need to be made by our partner, not ourselves. But we often don't realize that we have no control over our partner's behavior.

As a result, we develop a sense of hopelessness and helplessness about the relationship. "If only he or she would change, everything would be wonderful"--or at least this is what we delude ourselves to think. The breakthrough comes when we realize that by making small changes in ourselves, we can inspire huge, positive changes resulting in feeling more optimistic, hopeful and open to our partners.

Couples can learn to fine-tune and develop skills so they can effectively and lovingly navigate the challenging relational waters. Romance can be renewed and love can be celebrated. Getting there is not always easy. Without a compass or a roadmap, it is difficult for couples to find their way. Professional Counseling can help. Contact Advanced Counseling & Coaching Services for a complimentary phone consultation at (973) 857-9090.

Tips to get Closer

THOUGHTFUL acts of KINDNESS
* compliment your partner on how s/he looks * give your partner a hug * gently touch your partner when s/he walks past you * Surprise her or him with an impromptu at-work lunch picnic * Do that one chore that your partner has been avoiding- take his/her car to get inspected

THINK OUT OF THE BOX * plan the perfect getaway in your home town -somewhere you have never been * Spend a few minutes in the morning recalling & sharing your dreams. * Rather than watching T.V together, go to a park and watch the birds or children play * Have fun with your camera- imagine creating your own erotic magazine * Role-Play your favorite movie stars

LAUGH AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE * Tell each other funny jokes- try to make them up yourself * Go to a funny movie together wearing your PJ's * Play an April 1 joke on March 1 * Write a funny love story and act it out * Laugh...it is contagious

COMMUNICATE FROM YOUR HEART NOT YOUR MIND * Listen, Listen and Listen * Express your feelings in a constructive manner * Delete the button for gripes, criticism and annoyances * Ask yourself, "Is it helpful to be right or to be happy?" * Compromise RE-

INVENT ROMANCE * Remember when you first met...Do it again * Play with essential oils, especially rose oil * Experience abandon..do something you have never done * Dine at the most Romantic restaurant and feed each other * Take the longest, hottest bubble bath together Remember every day is Valentine's Day! Most importantly, demonstrate your love for one another by being impeccable with your word. Be it, Breathe it and live it.
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Sue Waldman, MA, LPC, CEC is a licensed psychotherapist, certified Grief Recovery Specialist, Energy Healer and an iPEC Certified Life Coach working privately in New Jersey and New York City. Her specialty encompasses grief and loss, spiritual and personal development, forgiveness and love. Sue is available for training, teaching engagements, workshops, retreats, and telephone sessions. Contact Sue at Advanced Counseling & Coaching Services at (973) 857-9090 or email her at suewaldman@coachingtolove.com.

Growing Relationships

Wow, I've known my husband 23 years! Although we've only been married for the last 16 of them, I can't believe how long we've been together. We've survived the up's and down's, the laughter, joys, and deaths of some of our loved ones. Through it all, we've grown stronger as a couple. I think this is pretty amazing!

When I was going through the tests and uncertainty with my health, he said something about how we'll get through it together because we have the history of getting through other things. This gave me strength and a positive state of being.

When I spoke with a friend today who also has a Super Busy life, with 2 daughters, a nursing career, a husband, 2 homes, a dog, and more, she shared my sentiments about how a relationship can grow through the toughest situations. We recognized how our husbands were more private with their feelings than we are. How our husbands reach out for support in different ways than we do. It is a fact that men and women are different, we communicate differently and often respond in different ways, too. However, neither is wrong! It's important to recognize the differences and honor them rather than look for ways to change either partner.

Life is too busy to have an adveserial relationship with your spouse. Coming from a foundation of love provides more strength to deal with the day-to-day life happenings. And for those of you reading this who are single, divorced, or widowed, building relationships with others will provide support and encouragement. Sometimes being without someone is a choice and other times it's a situation but regardless, you always have other people that are there if you invite them and allow them to be.

Be sure to subscribe to my free bi-weekly e-newsletter to automatically receive tips to help you create more success, joy and balance in your super busy life! Go to my website to subscribe.

Yours truly,

Coach Natalie