How to Manage Your Inner Critic

Many of my clients and several audience members often remark that they feel somewhat like an imposter because they're not as bright, capable or successful as others perceive them to be. They're often afraid someone may find out. If you share this issue, this article interestingly helps you manage your inner critic. If you need more help, 1-1 coaching may be the solution to help you break through your blocks and be more confident and successful in your own eyes. Call or email me to discuss your needs. And, don't worry, our conversations are strictly confidential!

View the Harvard Business Review article: How to Manage Your Inner Critic

The Tension of the High Achieving New Mom

Also found this article at the Glass Hammer site in the Work/Life Balance area. The tips are interesting and insightful so I thought that New and Expectant Moms visiting my Blog might also enjoy the content.

Here's the link:

The Tension of the High Achieving New Mom

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How Hungry are YOU?

After posting about needs and hungers last week, a number of people contacted me asking for more information. The important thing to note is that there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to feed your hungers; hungers are not necessarily BAD. Hungers may often masquerade as one of your highest ideals, values or desires. Some of your hungers may be very easily satisfied while others may return routinely, thus, creating a constant theme in your life.

Hungers operate at different intensities. Knowing the level a particular hunger is driving you, will be helpful in finding the most healthful ways of feeding it.

For example, if you are starving/famished you are likely deprived of a key component necessary for life. If your hunger is at this high level of intensity, chances are that you may need professional therapy to intervene because at this level there is a sense of desperation. You must have and will do anything to feed the need.

The next level of intensity, craving, exhibits a high demand and/or begging. At this level, there is still some level of danger that may benefit by professional therapy because one may do many things to get this hunger met, including (but not limited to) sacrificing your own integrity. If you do not feel at a level of choice, seek professional help!

The next three levels are less intense and may be able to be resolved with the help of a trained coach or perhaps on your own through your personal support network. At the Hungry level you must have it, if not immediately than relatively soon; the hunger is somewhat under control but on the verge of taking over your life. The Longing For level is an experience of regular and continual absence of the need because you have grown so accustomed to it not being fed. The danger here is that it is still there, in the background, and can easily intensify once allowed the presence of that need. Lastly, Having an Appetite For, is a healthier place of preference and some choice. It is the beginning of noticing that there is a deficiency. If you were to notice it at this low level and take some immediate action to take care of the feeding the need, then the other, more intense levels are short-circuited.

At the lowest level, a hunger is a mere whisper. You can usually avoid the compulsive, out of control feelings of the more intense levels just by simply recognizing the need and giving it a nugget or morsel to feed on.

Think about the emotional hungers you long for...do you have the need to feel safe, feel valuable?; to be right, to be appreciated?; to receive respect or love? If so, these are just some of the hungers I have worked on with my clients to help them find healthful ways to resolve in their life.

Are You Hungry?

Often when I am working with a client 1-1, we work on identifying their needs. Sometimes because of the nature of needs being something we crave deeply, especially when they are not being met, I refer to them as (emotional) hungers.

A number of years ago when I was teaching at the Coach Certification Institute (an organization which unfortunately no longer exists!), we helped others learn about the importance of hungers and the impact they have on our lives. They were referred to as hungers because they are propelled by a very strong instinctual drive; they operate with an almost primitive intensity and compel us to feed them at all costs, even if what we feed them is not the best nourishment for us. For example, a person who has an unmet need for attention, will do almost anything in order to feed that emotional hunger, similarly to when you come home after working all day but not eating a thing and reaching for whatever is handy to immediately meet that need.

Unmet hungers are dangerous because when they are not recognized and nourished appropriately, they can easily direct all of your available energy and attention towards getting the hunger fed, even if you do not realize it is happening! Hungers can totally distract you from the things you value and the life you truly want to lead. When someones actions are not aligned with what they say they want, there is a huge chance that there is an unfed or misfed hunger is operating in their life.

It is important to realize that you may need an outside observer to help you identify which hungers drive you. As a professional coach, I have a variety of tools and resources at my disposal to help my clients first identify and then work to resolve existing hungers. Once hungers are identified, the next important step is to find consistent and nourishing ways to feed them. When your hungers are well fed, you are released from their compulsion.

Stay tuned for more about needs and hungers in the weeks ahead in this Blog and in my free weekly e-newsletter. You can subscribe at http://www.nrgcoaching.com/ or by clicking here.

Self-Discovery Questions

Yesterday in my e-newsletter and Blog I provided some practical principles and strategies for self renewal. Here are some questions to help you get started. Working with a professional coach will also help you create the structure and accountability to transform yourself and align with your top priorities. Contact Coach Natalie to discuss how coaching can help you.

Empowering Self Discovery Questions:

· How do I want to reinvent myself?

· What will I do if people don't accept the new me?

· How can I help people understand the new me?

· What skills, talents and qualities do I wish to reuse?

· How can I use these skills, talents and qualities with the new me?

· Do I want to use these traits immediately or in the future?

· What past events in my life would I like to reexamine and explore?

· What can I learn and put into practice from past experiences?

· What tools can I use to renew myself?

· How would I like to see myself in a week, a month and a year from now?

· What else can I do to reinvent, renew, reexamine and transform my life so that I will enjoy it to the fullest?

Life Renewal strategies

Today in my bi-weekly e-newsletter I provided 6 tips and some additional resources for helping you renew your life. Here are some additional principles and strategies that may guide you in your quest to effectively transform your life.

1. Live a balanced life while you pursue your transformational goals. Allow time out for other interests and pleasures. Insure your personal foundation is strong and can persevere.

2. Avoid energy draining people who do not support your transformational goals. These people will convey their doubt and lack of support almost every chance they get. They will cause you to doubt yourself. Instead, surround yourself with like-minded people and people who support you wholeheartedly.

3. Investigate other's successes. Explore how others have done what you'd like to do. Interview 3-5 very successful people who have achieved a similar transformation in their life. Discover how they did it, what was critical for their success and what suggestions they are willing to offer you. List the qualities that contributed to their success. Select a quality you know you need to develop and look for practical ways to develop that quality every day.

4. Practice daily habits that support your transformation. Determine your top priorities and specific actions you need to take. Eliminate distractions that may cause you to get off track. Create mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being practices you can do regularly that support your desired being. For instance, it you say you want to lose weight, eat sensibly and do physical exercise as part of your regular lifestyle. Take some actions every day toward your desired outcome.

5. Detach from the outcome. Although your personal transformation may be important to you, want it but don't need it. Find other ways to get your needs met. Realize that regardless of the outcome, you will still be in a different place for having gone through the process. There are valuable learning opportunities inherent in the process of transformation. Transformation is a spiritual experience that cannot often be intellectualized. It is a feeling that cannot be forgotten or captured in words but is with you for the rest of your life.

6. Stay in the present. Enjoy your life today and don't wait for the transformation to finish before you are happy. No one can predict the future, so, delaying your happiness and personal fulfillment to a future state will not be effective. Bring joy and gratitude into each day. If you aren't happy with where you are today, you'll need to learn the lessons involved before you will be able to move on. Acknowledge and reward yourself along the path of your transformation. Celebrate who you are becoming.

Stay tuned tomorrow for some empowering self-discovery questions! Come back often for more tips and strategies!

Staying focused

On average in our fast-paced society, we switch tasks every 3 minutes, and once distracted can take up to a half an hour to resume the original task. This pace leaves many unfocused and challenged to complete tasks. It can cause you to miss crucial information during a conversation and damage teamwork, work and personal relationships. These distractions effect teamwork, focus and productivity. It's harder and harder to stay focused on our important tasks at work. Most people struggle throughout the day to stay focused and in the present.


Consider these tips to help stay more focused at work or home:

• Take a breather and allow yourself to zone out for a brief time


• Stretch or take a walk to help get re-focused


• Engage in eye contact when communicating face-to-face


• Turn away from the computer, window, messy desk during conversations


• Use various types of meditation to slow breathing and maintain clarity


• Turn off the electronics and communication devices


• Move to a quiet area to concentrate on a complex task free of interruptions


• Live in the moment and be fully present


• Practice re-engaging and re-focusing often; train your mind to stop drifting

Business or personal coaching can help you develop tools and strategies to gain more focus. The Distraction Diva, Natalie Gahrmann, helps busy professionals increase performance, productivity and satisfaction by decreasing distractions.