DEFEATED!

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely defeated! After spending quite some time clearing a path through the snow yesterday and having just about every bone in my body aching, we got more snow! This morning our 450 foot long driveway that my 15 year old cleared down to the blacktop at around 2 pm yesterday was now covered in another 6-8 inches of heavy snow. My husband was stuck in NYC and had been there through the entire storm.

Although I got very little work accomplished yesterday because of the time spent clearing the sidewalk, driveway and cars, today was already shaping up to be the same! I really thought my life was already SuperBusy, this snow just added a whole other dimension that I certainly didn't need.

So, I'm curious, how many of you had to clear your plate to handle snow yesterday or today? How did you take care of what you weren't able to accomplish in other parts of your life?

Today I had a new appreciation for the people in Washington DC and that area who were dealt two big snow storms in less than a week and a definite yearning for those in sunny warm places. Hawaii here I come!!

Coping with a Job you Hate

Read my recent post at MyPath, powered by Manpower:
Welcome to MyPath: Full Plate: Coping with a Job you Hate

Are YOU a Workaholic?

Read the full article:
Are You a Workaholic? 7 Signs that Point to Yes, and 7 steps Toward your Recovery

Giving and Receiving in Spirit of the Holiday

During the holiday season there’s much ado about giving and receiving. We spend a lot of money buying gifts and valuable time shopping and wrapping these gifts. What often is forgotten in this hustle and bustle is the simplicity of the holiday spirit.

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What can you give that’s not costly or time intensive?

What gifts have you received that haven’t been fully appreciated?

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We had more than a foot of snow last week and several social engagements were canceled. I saw this as a gift of time! With the commitment removed, I now had several hours to prepare at home. I wrapped, decorated and baked. Now, I feel ahead of schedule and I'm actually looking forward to the parties being re-scheduled.

When I'm out and about shopping I consciously greet everyone with a smile. I allow drivers to take my parking space. I invite people with just a few items in front of me in line. I walk around humming Christmas carols and occasionally burst into song.

No, I'm not crazy...I'm simply enjoying the simplicity of giving and receiving. Look for the joy, spread it widely and you'll undoubtedly have a more joyous and happy holiday!

Wishing you peace, joy and happiness!!

Un-Turbo Charge from Your Super Busy Life

August is the number one month for vacations, but I haven't vacationed in August because I prefer to avoid crowds! This year our kids had the first week of November off from school and we took advantage of it. We spent a week at the beautiful islands of Turks and Caicos at the Beaches Family Resort. We had a 'real' vacation and as a result we came back relaxed and rejuvenated.

In this day in age, it’s nearly impossible to fully escape. I’d say that over 70% of your day is spent with your phone or computer. Whether or not your are using it, its there. You are thinking about it. Thinking about who might call you or text message you. And because you are thinking about it, you happen to break it out and read the news, send someone a message because your bored or worried about something, check Facebook, or surf the Net.

If you are planning a vacation, do yourself a favor and leave the work at home. You need to separate yourself from work if you are going to benefit from relaxing. Spending a week away from the office without my cell phone or laptop has truly given me the break I needed. Beings my husband couldn't totally unplug, he brought along his laptop and checked in briefly just a couple of times a day. Having the laptop nearby gave me the opportunity to keep clearing out the junk in my inbox so that I could concentrate on the important items left in my email once I returned.

I had the opportunity to spend quality time with my husband although my kids ditched us to hang out with some new friends they met at the resort.
Everyone needs a little R&R from time-to-time. Whether you plan just a few hours away or a couple of days, weeks or more, taking a break will help you re-focus while reconnecting with yourself and your loved ones.

Vacations are also good for a number of other reasons, too:

•Encourage Creativity: A good vacation can help you to reconnect with yourself and promote your creativity.

•Help Prevent Burnout: Workers who take time to relax away from the office are less prone to experience burnout, making you more productive than your overworked, under-rested counterparts. Vacations increase your quality of work and life.

•Can Help keep you Healthy: A relaxing vacation decreases stress and increases your health and well-being.

•Can Strengthen Relationships: Spending time enjoying life with loved ones can keep relationships strong, helping you enjoy the good times more and helping you through the stress of the hard times. Likewise, spending time vacationing apart may also help strengthen relationships, too!

Enjoy life and your vacation on the beach or ski slopes, visiting museums, sightseeing, or simply relaxing in your own home or somewhere else, whatever you desire. Simply free your mind from the boundaries and pressure of your work while you can, and take advantage of what this world has to offer, before you realize its too late. In the long run it may prove to be a very advantageous way to spend your time.

The bottom line is that taking a some time away from the stresses of every day daily life can give you the break you need and deserve so that we can return to your regular life refreshed and better equipped to handle whatever comes your way.

Increasing Workload Issues

I presented another "Too Much on my Plate" program yesterday for a corporate client.

Although most of the people in my audiences feel an intense pressure and overwhelm with the expectations placed on them at work, this audience seemed to suffer even more!

There was a field sales person who expressed his frustration with his work being driven down from higher level managers rather than customers or his own self-management of his client-base. He also has absolutely no support team at work to rely on or delegate work to.

This man sounded like he has star performer potential but yet the company with its bureaucracy and lean workforce, prohibits him from fully achieving his best.

All over, I hear similar concerns! Employees really want to do their best. They want to exceed customer expectations. They want to deliver on-time with high-quality results. Yet, even though many work an extended work week, including nights, weekends and vacation, there isn't enough time to accomplish everything that's expected. There's never any down time...any critical thinking time...any time for innovation...problem-solving...or even self-care.

Don't companies realize the potential cost to them? When the economy recovers, employees will seek out other more reasonable options. Companies are already faced with increasing health-care costs, lower quality products and services, poor relationships and teamwork, and more!

It's time to start respecting employees and for employees to start respecting themselves.

Effectively Saying "NO"

In all the years I've been operating my own business (since 1997) one thing that's been a consistent challenge for my coaching clients and audiences is saying no. I recently presented an updated program on Boundary-Setting and, of course, once again we tackled the issues around saying no. As a result, I've revised an article I was working on so that I can share it with audience members. Here I share part of it with you. If you'd like the complete article, please email me at natalie@theprioritypro.com and ask for the "Saying No" article.

Saying "no" enables you to say "yes" to what matters most in your life.

“No” is one the most powerful two-letter words in the English language! However, saying “no” doesn’t come naturally for most people. We are conditioned to say “yes”, be agreeable and easy to work with.

If you’re one of those people who normally says “yes” when asked to do something or take responsibility for a new work project, sit on another school or church committee, become scout leader, be the baseball coach, or bake cookies for the local fundraiser or anything that will likely require more time than you realistically have available, than you need to first understand why you are prone to say yes so quickly and then learn more effective ways to say no.

We typically say yes because we:
...are afraid to say no;
...want to be liked;
...need to feel accepted;
...desire to please others;
...don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings;
...feel guilty when we say no;
...believe we can “do it all”.

If any of the reasons above describe you, saying no will undoubtedly make you feel uncomfortable or inadequate. There may be other reasons in addition to those listed, so be sure to recognize what prompts you to say yes, or avoid saying no. When you begin feeling totally overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful, and taken advantage of your attitude and productivity will likely suffer. If your life is overrun with responsibilities, jobs and commitments there’s little time left for your own tasks, fun and relaxation. One way to pare down your schedule is to get good at saying no to new commitments.

If you want more than ten super techniques to help you say no, remember to email me at natalie@theprioritypro.com!

Saying no helps reduce stress levels and gives you time for what’s really important. Even though it may be difficult, at some point you need to stand your own ground and look out for yourself, because no one else is going to look out for you if you don't! Regardless of why you choose to say no, the keys to declining requests include:
+ maintain eye contact;
+ be firm, honest direct and convincing;
+ keep your explanation simple and succinct;
+ use a sympathetic but firm tone;
+ repeat your statement, change the subject or walk away, if necessary;
+ and, avoid making excuses (especially lengthy ones!).

Reduce Mental Draining Stress

Chances are that if you are reading this Blog, you have too much on your plate. Your 'to-do' list is likely several pages long and your plate is over-flowing with activities and responsibilities, many that you didn't even put there yourself. Often, you may feel like your mind is going to explode because you have so many things stored in it that you must remember.

When I meet with clients who are feeling this way, they tell me that they feel like they can't get anything done even though they're trying their best. They express feelings of inadequacy, overwhelm, stress and frustration. They feel scattered!

Although these clients usually have a to-do list, they also keep a running list of all the things they have to do in their minds. This is the primary cause of mental stress! My clients expend a lot of energy worrying about these things, even though 87% of what we worry about either never happens or is totally out of our control anyway!

Studies indicate that when we pay attention to a piece of information, it enters our short-term memory. Typically we can only hold 5-9 pieces of simple information in our short-term memory. If this information is not acted on or encoded it goes away. Therefore, to keep information available we need to get it into our working memory. Working memory is like a vehicle that transports information from short-term into long-term memory. Working memory will transport something that fits into an existing memory, much like a filing cabinet storing data.

Once you get information into your long-term memory, you’ve made progress, but then you have to get it out. Working memory files information into long-term memory. These files are not easily accessed—-we often need reminders. And it’s easier and more efficient to recognize something than to try to recall it from scratch.

The important key to reducing the stress of forgetting things or not being able to recall them is to have a system for organizing material as it comes at you and then being able to take action. Neither system will operate effectively if left in your head though. You need to get this out of your head and into easily accessible files on your computer or in a series of reminders for action in your daily management system (e.g., MS Outlook). You can reduce mental draining stress by de-cluttering your mind.

Improve your Sex Life!

With just about everyone having too much on their plate these days, we all have Obsessive Distraction Disorder (O.D.D.). Distractions pull us away from what we say is important to us.

As I was getting dressed on Saturday morning, I caught a short segment on the CBS Early Morning show featuring Dr. Jenn Berman, a well-known Psychotherapist. The piece was about putting sex back in your marriage (something many are too distracted to do!)

Dr. Jenn Berman shared 5 keys to "Getting Heat Back Between Those Sheets". These tips closely align with the need to Assess what's on your plate; Integrate with what matters most; and Maintain the Alignment going forward. One of the key problems is that we are exhausted and over-stressed because we over-schedule our lives. This effects our ability and desire to be intimate in the bedroom. To better balance, say "No" more often so that you have more time, energy and interest to say "Yes" to your relationship. Ultimately everytime you say "yes" to something you are indeed saying "no" to something else. Be aware of this so that you can pace yourself and avoid tapping out your energy before you get to your partner.

She also mentioned the importance of communicating without placing blame. Personally, I've found that something I learned when watching my wedding video 19 years ago and listening to a toast by our Uncle Steve..."Your marriage needs two important things to thrive and they can be summed up with the initials P U. You need patience and understanding." I've lived by this and also treat my husband and our relationship with the utmost respect that it deserves.

For a marriage to succeed in these times when everyone seems to have too much on their plate, it takes conscious effort! Other tips from Dr. Jenn Berman may be viewed at the video online at: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/08/15/earlyshow/saturday/main5244010.shtml?tag=cbsnewsSectionsArea.9 .


Watch CBS Videos Online

Anticipate time needed

Too often we over-stress ourselves because we don't properly anticipate how long it will take to complete a project or task. In most cases, we under-estimate the time involved. To plan your day more effectively and to reduce your stress in the process, schedule adequate time during all three of the stages of a project, including preparation, productivity and closure.


To better allocate your time, keep a time log for a couple of weeks and track how long different activities take to accomplish. In order to get better at planning, you must first be aware of how your time is being spent. Be realistic about how much time your activities take and schedule your time accordingly. Non-realistic scheduling increases stress because there is not ample time to complete the full task as planned. Building in buffers for preparing and putting things away will allow the margin to decrease stress and increase productivity.

Defraying Stress

The Top Ten Ways Working Parents Can Defray Stress

By Natalie Gahrmann, The Priority Pro

Between work demands, caring for your children, and seeing to everyday matters and responsibilities there is little time left to take care of yourself. So, many working parents put off time for their own needs and desires. However, you are a key influence on your child's development, so the amount of stress you are experiencing in your work, family and personal life has a direct impact on them. Here's some tips to help defray the stress and help you consciously take better care of yourself.

1. Breathe deeply

Bring in the air through your nose, deep down into your belly and out through your mouth in a slow relaxed fashion at least two-three times to help re-focus, re-center and relax.

2. Take in Relaxing Smells

Aromatherapy oils, herbal teas or scented candles are all relaxing to the olfactory system.

3. DAYDREAM, MEDITATE AND CONNECT WITH NATURE

Visit places and experience them newly. Or, give your mind a mental break by simply imagining you are somewhere else and creating a visual image and experience in your mind of being there. Either way, fully connect with your surroundings by noticing sounds, smells and textures. Relax your spirit and body using soothing music and warm lights.

4. Avoid Overextending Yourself

Stop saying "yes" too often to requests of your time, money, energy or other resources. Say "no" to things and people as a way of honoring you. Allow yourself a chance to think about the request before acepting the invitation. Bow out later if the commitment is contributing too greatly to your stress.

5. Eat Healthy Foods

Eat foods and drink beverages that nourish your body and soul.

6. Participate in a hobby or sport

Create an outlet for relaxation that you truly enjoy doing. Use your creativity to write, sculpt, knit, paint, etc. Use physical activities or daily exercise rituals to help "blow off" steam both physically and mentally.

7. lighten up

Smile, laugh and just be friendly to others. Friendliness goes far and helps you feel good about yourself. Humor lightens up tension. Notice how laughter is contagious, too. People are more naturally attracted to people who seem happy, positive, enthusiastic, and excited about life. Stop taking things so seriously all the time and lighten up a bit.

8. Enlist help from others

Learn to ask for and accept help (even when things are not done to your high standard level!) You will gain by delegating and allowing others to help, even when things don't turn out exactly as they would have if you completed the task yourself. Allow yourself to be nurtured by your friends and family.

9. Spend Quality Time with Your Children

Have fun and interact with your children. Be fully present with them. Truly listen to what they have to say and connect on a deeper level.

10. Get Romantic

Stimulate your body's release of endorphins by reading a romance novel, or better yet, curl up with your spouse/significant other or make love.

Employee Stress

A lot of work-related traps and hazards exist for employees today in addition to the personal stresses outside the office related to family, home, pets, health, finances, or a myriad of other possible areas. There's no wonder that many employees are highly stressed!

As a leader, it is best if you can help employees know how to make stress work better for them; to transform stress to become a motivator to boost productivity and morale rather than succumb to it and have it effect job performance in negative ways.

When I work with leaders, I help them use positive energy in their leadership. I like to use an approach outlined in Energy Leadership (by Bruce Schneider). I help leaders observe the positive side of their encounters at work and the energy emitted by them and their employees in the work environment.

I believe that a good employee can easily adjust to any given situation and adapt well to the surroundings. Good employees have the ability to establish effective mechanisms that guide them so that work does not pile up. They are able to get everything done smoothly with ease and excellent output.

When employees are ready to shift away from productivity-inhibiting stress and be a valued employee, here are 5 top tips to help develop better focus:

1. Be More Disciplined: Impose your own personal working policy and implement it. Develop a working plan and set deadlines for each task or project given to you by your business leader(s). Be sure you follow the plan and deadlines you set. Learn the right pacing that will work best for you. You are the only one who can realistically control how fast, in which order and how well each task is completed. Focus on one task at a time to avoid mind clutter.

2. Develop routines: There are always other parts of your job or other projects/tasks that you also need to work on. Develop structure or systems that will help you create patterns and routines to get your work done. Set aside time for following phone calls, email, text messages and visitors so that they do not interfere with the task-at-hand. (Try out different patterns until you see what works best for you.)

3. Establish boundaries. Included in your working policy must be the boundaries you set for your co-workers and even loved ones. If co-workers need a little of your time to help them carry out some tasks, its okay to say “no” in a very nice way if you have priority things to do. For family members, set time when they can call you unless it is a life-and-death emergency.

4. Take a break when necessary. Tune in to your body signals and get to know when you need to take a break. When your body is stiffening, your impatience is growing, your concentration in diminishing or your creativity has run out, grab some fruit, a glass of water, take a walk, or do some basic exercises while at your desk to ease the tension from your body and re-energize yourself.

5. Create conducive workspace. Be sure that your workspace is comfortable and provides ease for your work. Have the necessary supplies near your reach and keep your space clutter-free. Learn to ignore the background noises from machines and chatty co-workers that can be disturbing.

The Multitasking Temptation Revisited

Multiitasking has been proven to kill your productivity. Yet, for some it's a lifestyle and others an expectation. Others see it as a strength.

People are terrible at doing more than one thing at a time, even though many of us are fooled to believe that we are actually good at it. When we multitask, two things occur:

1. We get less done.
2. The quality of what we do is lower.

There’s a recommencement cost of at least several seconds every time you get back to a task that got interrupted. Each time you switch to some other task you risk getting hit with more resumption costs. This loss time adds up and multiplies as you continue getting distracted with interruptions throughout the day.

It is almost inevitable that each individual task will be slower and of lower quality when you are using multitasking as a methodology to try to accomplish more. Likewise, it is acutally faster to do one thing at a time instead of trying to multitask.

Another problem with multitasking is that we are more inclined to make more mistakes while doing multiple tasks simultaneously, especially those that require your full attention or those that are unrelated. As a result, the quality of our work declines.

In a 2004 study at MIT, researchers found (by doing MRI scans on brains of test subjects) that it’s impossible for the brain to think about more than one thing at a time.

Multitasking is an incredible temptation. As a business owner, I struggle with it myself from time-to-time. When I am not fully engaged in what I am doing I often check email frequently and begin responding to incoming messages without completing articles I am writing or blog entries. Fortunately, when I am on the phone with a coaching client, I am not multitasking! However, often when I am participating in a teleconference call or meeting I will see (or sense) others checking their email or messages.

Life Renewal strategies

Today in my bi-weekly e-newsletter I provided 6 tips and some additional resources for helping you renew your life. Here are some additional principles and strategies that may guide you in your quest to effectively transform your life.

1. Live a balanced life while you pursue your transformational goals. Allow time out for other interests and pleasures. Insure your personal foundation is strong and can persevere.

2. Avoid energy draining people who do not support your transformational goals. These people will convey their doubt and lack of support almost every chance they get. They will cause you to doubt yourself. Instead, surround yourself with like-minded people and people who support you wholeheartedly.

3. Investigate other's successes. Explore how others have done what you'd like to do. Interview 3-5 very successful people who have achieved a similar transformation in their life. Discover how they did it, what was critical for their success and what suggestions they are willing to offer you. List the qualities that contributed to their success. Select a quality you know you need to develop and look for practical ways to develop that quality every day.

4. Practice daily habits that support your transformation. Determine your top priorities and specific actions you need to take. Eliminate distractions that may cause you to get off track. Create mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being practices you can do regularly that support your desired being. For instance, it you say you want to lose weight, eat sensibly and do physical exercise as part of your regular lifestyle. Take some actions every day toward your desired outcome.

5. Detach from the outcome. Although your personal transformation may be important to you, want it but don't need it. Find other ways to get your needs met. Realize that regardless of the outcome, you will still be in a different place for having gone through the process. There are valuable learning opportunities inherent in the process of transformation. Transformation is a spiritual experience that cannot often be intellectualized. It is a feeling that cannot be forgotten or captured in words but is with you for the rest of your life.

6. Stay in the present. Enjoy your life today and don't wait for the transformation to finish before you are happy. No one can predict the future, so, delaying your happiness and personal fulfillment to a future state will not be effective. Bring joy and gratitude into each day. If you aren't happy with where you are today, you'll need to learn the lessons involved before you will be able to move on. Acknowledge and reward yourself along the path of your transformation. Celebrate who you are becoming.

Stay tuned tomorrow for some empowering self-discovery questions! Come back often for more tips and strategies!

Economic Worries are a Major Distraction

As the economy takes a roller coaster ride, concern about losing their job and the declining value of financial investments are distracting many employees. The current economic uncertainty has threatened workforce productivity. Not surprisingly, 81 percent of Americans indicated that they are worried about something related to their jobs, according to the 2008 Workplace Insights survey done by Adecco USA. The areas most highly rated in job-related worries include:

• High gas prices (25 percent)
• Stagnant pay checks (13 percent)
• Work-life balance (12 percent)
• Rising health care costs (9 percent)
• Job market instability (7 percent)
• Opportunities for advancement (6 percent)
• Outsourcing of jobs (4 percent)
• Other worries (5 percent)

These worries affect you potentially at every level of your being. Do not panic and withdraw your funds from your 401K. Do not worry about things that are totally out of your control. Worry, stress and anxieties take a huge toll on your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being and can exacerbate your situation. Unfortunately, when employees are worried and feel anxious, they tend to put in less effort, perform less efficiently and lose focus more often, resulting in more fear and anxiety. These employees may seem distracted, disengaged or distant.

Be aware of your thoughts and worries. Realize that 87 percent of what people worry about never actually occurs. Worrying it and of itself only produces more worry and fear. Instead, spend your energy taking deliberate focused action toward your goals. Surround yourself with positive people. Denying that the fears and worries exist will not remove them. You actually need to allow the fear and worry to engage your brain, body and heart simultaneously and move through it using efficiency, confidence, clarity, and ease.

Realize that worrying and being fearful is actually a choice, as is choosing to release them. You do have control over your worries, fears and anxieties. You can replace the behaviors, habits and patterns that are not serving you with ones that are more productive.

Overscheduled Kids leads to Over-Stressed Families

Teachers handed out an article last week at back-to-school night without identifying where the story came from. However, the article, "Kids call for a Time Out" stated the problems over scheduled families face and gave a tried and true solution..."Just say no".

My children are involved in activities. Early on, my husband and I set limits on how many and how much they can be involved with at any one time with the caveat the school always comes first and any drop in grades will result in changes in their extra-curricular schedule. Admittedly, there have been times along the years that we had the same conflicts in scheduling, transportation and other conflicts that other families also face. However, my children have learned to make choices!

My 11 year old daughter was a competitive gymnast up until last year. She took up dancing to help enhance her gymnastics presentation and skills. Ultimately, she liked dancing so much that she's elected to drop from the gymnastics team and devote more time to dancing. She originally wanted to take 5 nights of classes but in re-thinking opted for 4 nights, with usually just 1 class a night. We are involved in carpools and the dance school is conveniently located about a mile from our home. Next year, she'd like to try out for cheerleading. She wanted to try out last year but due to an already pressed schedule, chose not to.

My son is also involved in extra-curricular. During the spring he participates in a non-travel baseball team and in the fall/winter he is in a youth basketball league. We chose these because his main interest is motocross, which is usually a weekend activity. He, too, has learned to make choices based on his primary interests. The basic rule of thumb is up to 2 activities at any one time if they don't conflict. Prior to registering, we ask allot of questions about the schedule and commitment.

A growing number of parents are avoiding over-scheduling their kids because they think the hyper-scheduling has gone too far. Now a Minnesota group has set up a website www.FamilyLife1st.org to help parents curb their children's' crazy schedules. This group receives new inquiries daily as an increasing number of parents are ready to refocus their lives and the lives of their children.

How about your children...are they over-scheduled?

Increasing Productivity

I conducted a presentation at Realogy Corporation for CIGNA Behavioral Healthcare yesterday. I've presented there in the past numerous times. Their work environment is not unlike many corporate environments today. Employees are under lots of pressure to complete increasing workloads with decreasing staff. Many employees who would benefit the most from participating in these lunch-and-learn programs, never have the time to even get there. Often, those who would gain the most benefit from a lesson are too busy working to engage in the learing opportunity. Instead they stay glued to their desk. They rarely take time out to chat, eat, exercise, or even to go to the bathroom. Is this what drives productivity at the work place??

I'd say NO! In order for employees to best at their best, they really need to take care of themselves. Worker harder and harder is not the answer. Instead, find ways to work smarter. Working 24/7 does not lead to higher productivity instead it leads to poorer quality, resentment, frustration, and anger.

What ways can you work smarter rather than harder? What boundaries do you need to set in place to honor your own personal needs?